Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
