One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
