hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
