talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
