Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
