i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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