Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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