I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We have so much sex to catch up on
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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