For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
