Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
