Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
