its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
