I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize