I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
