i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
