take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
