awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
