The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
