i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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