All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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