your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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