I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
