I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
