you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
