No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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