dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
