I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize