singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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