Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
