the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize