my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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