he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
