i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
