I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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