After last night, I could never be a politician.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
