Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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