Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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