he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
