Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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