I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I DEMAND FORESKIN
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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