Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
