i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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