and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
