I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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