The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
