textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
