I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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