Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I party with great urgency now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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