Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
