I'm so fucking centered right now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
love makes seman taste better
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
