i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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