Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
