You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
