operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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