he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
