Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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