so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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