Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
