I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
