Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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