I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm really busy with my period
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