The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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