i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
