I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
