how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
