he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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