I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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