when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
