He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize