You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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