i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
