went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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