There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
