loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
